Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
