Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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