ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
