I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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