I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
