I cannot find my penis.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
