hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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