I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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