i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
