I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
