Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
