Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
