I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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