I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
