I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
