we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Help. Why am I so naked?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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