she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
