He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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