I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize