Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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