this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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