My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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