This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ttyl tear gas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
