but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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