why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
