First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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