I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
