I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
