By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
