my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
