I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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