if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize