I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
