Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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