we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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