Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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