Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
