I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
