the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
