Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
