thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
