All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
