It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
