I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
