would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this just has baby written all over it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
