Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
