Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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