RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
