true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
