Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
