He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
