I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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