he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
