oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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