booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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