Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
