never play flip cup with pint glasses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
