My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
