i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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