i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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