I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize