oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
