i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
