Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
