I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sobbing to NWA
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
