is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
