just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
