and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
