If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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