I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
