I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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