Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
