Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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