OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
