Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
