I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
