One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
