i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
