I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
