you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
