you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
