i think i have herpe
just one?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
