They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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