Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
