Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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