i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize