why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
