I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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