I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
