so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The uberlube is also flammable
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
