you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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