if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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