I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
