Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize