If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
