We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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