How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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