Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
