smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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