we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
