Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
