I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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