I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
